Cant Wait

I seen Damion for the first time since October and he looks so good, I almost got lost during the 80 mile drive but it was worth it.

It felt so good huggin him and kissing him and I really liked the officers in the visiting room they were so nice...unlike the other one there was one chick that jus kept messing with us!

But this one was better, I got there around 9:30 and left like at 4pm I would have stayed longer but Damion used up all of visits for the bathroom and the next one would have resulted in a termination but he had to go pee so bad so I had to go .

I didnt want to leave him but I will see him again this Sunday since his b-day is on the 2nd, he'll be 23. I cant wait to see him again....I love him so much it will be another 2 months till he comes come.

It would have been 1 more week if he wasnt medically terminated of his broken hand while in bootcamp. Damn

Well these next 2 months will go by quick.

Uplifted

Well today I am in a good mood my classes seem to be smooth I got A's on both of my tests :).....so I think this semester will be a piece of cake.

I should be getting my refund check this weekend from school and cant wait to file my taxes so that I can shop for summer clothes and have money saved up, and money to blow.

I think this summer will be a good one for me cuz I am not gonna care about who says what and who says who. I ma do what I want to do. I already know if Damion is going to be with me that will have a major problem with that, but hey I need to live my life.

I dont want to be 30 yrs old looking back saying I was a lame and didnt have fun, hell I ma make the best out of it.

I just hope that my car stays running good and nothing bad happens.

Damion is having a hearing on Feb 11th and I wonder what are they gonna say when will he be getting out. Sometime I feel like I want to tell him the truth about me so that he might not want to be with me and so I can keep all my money to myself, but i dont think it will happen like that.

I think he will jus stay long enough to get back on his feet than say "F" me. If it does happen like that I know that he wont get his flatscreen back ...nope not at all.

I still think about being with Gerald or not. It seems like he is stuck in a rut of bullshit. Like he doesnt know what to do with himself. He told me about this railroad job and he said he was gonna sign up for it but then didnt. I asked him why and he said he didnt want to talk to the person to get the info. WTF?

Sounds like crapola to me....if that was Damion he would have jumped right on it. I see the difference now.

Damion- striving hard for the better things in life ...like; copin Bentleys, Benzes, Big house, good at saving money, and dedicated, but with a felony however still wants to get a job though.

and here is

Gerald- gambling and drinking problem, no discipline, cant save worth a dime, very impulsive, no felony but does not want a job.

It seems like Gerald is the loser, but he has until May to prove to me that he will get his stuff to gether or better yet March cuz I cant be with a loser at all.

Another Day as Christina

Well yesterday I started school. The Bio teacher was cool but she talked very much about nothing and took too long to get to her point. But her grading system seemed fair and seemed very determined to teach.

Anyway this weekend was cool, spent the whole weekend with Gerald watched movies, like I usually would with Damion around this time of year....go down to Hollywood Video and pick out movies.

I miss those days with Damion and miss him too.

Well I am deciding to see him around the 19th depending on how the weather is looking, and I cant wait to see him.

I really feel like I am not confused about who I wanna be with anymore. I know who I want to be with and that is Damion.

What set it off was when me and Gerald went to apply for this Health Aide job and before we went, he said he didnt want to go becuz he did not feel like it.

That showed me that he didnt want to get a job but I still made him go. Then when we got there filled out the apps...he couldnt fill his out because he didnt have all his info....okay ....I told him we can come back and turn his in cuz I had all my info.

Next thing I know he still turns his in not completed! WTH? So I asked him why did he do that and he just gave that stupid with a smirk look and shrugged his shoulders. He had the sorriest look on his face that just turned me off. I kinda actually looked at him like he was a bum for real.

Its okay to collect disability since he got shot and income for his kid but damn that is not the life. He is even trying to get more money ....saying if he can get at least 2 thousand a month he will be straight and he was geeked up just thinking about it. I couldnt believe him!

2 thousand a month is okay but for me that aint nothing.....I am aiming at the least 5 thousand and up.....no bull.

Just lazy.....all he is doing is waiting till it gets hot so he can get his check probably buy some work and sell all summer. And on top of that I asked him what was he plans for the 2008 year...he told me to shut up.

Okay what the hell..I guess he doesnt have any big plans.....for nothing which is a very big turn off.

If that is the case I rather be with Damion at least he is willing to get a job right when he comes home and get his bread back up and stack it.

Hell Gerald cant even save a crumb to save his life. No dedication, No discipline, No Plan, spells DISASTER! Which means he cant be mine boyfriend. Yet he has so much potential to become something professional ...has no felony, clean but doesnt wanna do anything about it.

So I say I still love him but he cant be mines. Only a Boss can stand by me and Gerald isnt one sad to say. Things are meant to be and Me and Damion are to be together.

Update for the Day

Well me and Gerald are good now so I feel better. I was really feeling bad earlier , wondering what the hell he was doing...thinking he just saying forget it and got drunk somewhere talking to slores.

I am really falling for him and I am really contemplating on telling Damion we should just be friends for a minute.

Hopefully it wont hurt him cuz he even brought it up to me.

I dont know we will see when he gets out.

What to Do

I feel like I am falling for Gerald each day that passes by. What hell am I gonna do. I dont understand myself.

I always told myself that I would never fall in love with 2 people and I did!

I think whenever I say never it actually happens not to sound superstitious or anything but it always seem to go that way.

Yesterday I was with him ...we went to the casino and ate then he gambled and lost like he always and got mad becuz he felt like the girl handeling the chips was cheating.

Then we left went to his house .....I found a number in his pocket and I got mad ...so I told him we were never going to be intimate no more he got upset and said that it wasnt his and he was cleaning up and put it in his pocket.

Whatever!

Then I just didnt say anything he really got irritated. Asking me what was I gonna do.

Still didnt answer him.

He was all saying stuff like I amnot about to kiss your ass cuz if I do...that would make me look weak.

I see he had too much pride, so that made me even more stubborn just to see if he would break down. He almost did..but I left so I could pick my mother up for work.

He got in the car and wanted an answer on if I still wanted to talk to him ...I didnt give it to him. He threatened to ride with me all the way to my mothers job but 2 blocks down decided to get out and walk in the cold.

He called me like 20 minutes later and asked if I wanted to still talk to him, I said No and hing up on him . Then he called back asking why I hung up and I told him I didnt wanna talk, he was like alright and hung up.

When I got home I called back to tell him I didnt mean it, but his brother told me he was sleep.

Damn

I hope he didnt do anything stupid, now I miss him more and I want to call him but it is too early so Ima wait till about 11 and call and tell him I am sorry. I love him.

Sleepless Night Aftermath

Oh Dear....I jus got off the phone with Gerald and his car got stolen all in the midst of lastnight or morning and he is sooo pissed. I remember him saying if his car got stolen he would be would just say F the World! And now he's at the point to where he doesnt even wanna talk to anyone, not even me.

I dont know what to do....I told him I can take him to the police station to report it stolen and he doesnt even wanna do that!

I feel bad I should have jus got up and went to that damn gas station and lead him back to my house but I was on E and I sure as hell didnt wanna pump gas at 4 am where the hoodlums come out.

So now he's mad at me I wonder if he'll calm down and call me ...I already know he's just gonna get drunk tonight for sure now.

Poor baby. He should have just stayed at his sister house.

Sleepless Night!

It all started around midnight as I was watching 48 hrs, Gerald had called me drunk slurring saying he had wanted to come over and spend the night since he didnt want to go home.



I really didnt want him to cuz I dont want him getting use to coming over like that and eventually thinking he can pop up whenever he wants to. But after his complaining I gave in and told him he can come.



30 minutes go by.....



He calls asking for the directions again



another 20 minutes go by



He calls again for directions still at the same place he was earlier.



Another hour goes by he calls again! Still at his sister house now its 2am, I just tell him to just wait until tomorrow since I have to wake up at 7am. But NO!!! he still wants to come over, and he sounds really messed up. I told him I didnt want him to drive drunk, and he still wanted to. HARDHEAD..



40 minutes later he has some guy working at the gas station call me asking me were my house is at. OMG!



I give him directions for like the 5th time, at this point I really wanted him to just go home since he was too drunk to follow directions.



20 minutes later called again from some guy's cell at the McDonalds across from the gas station, still asking for directions. Then he said he was on his way.



At 3am I went to sleep and was awoken by my cell its 4:07am! and some guy is calling me saying Gerald's car battery died and he is waiting on someone to give him a jump, and he is at the gas station from earlier! I couldnt believe it so I told the guy okay and went back to sleep, thinking he will call me after he got his boost.



And he did at 4:35am! At this point I was kinda pissed I am trying to get some sleep my sister baby is crying in the other room now and I had to wake up in 2 hrs for work.....Gerald had the gas station man at the same place call me....asking for direction again to my place.



I told him to just tell Gerald to go home it wasnt no point of coming over it was too late now. He did and I can hear Gerald saying "oh thats what she said? alright f*ck it!" and that was the last I heard from him.



Its 10:10 am right now and I wonder if he made it home? (calling him) No answer ....I hope he did though